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growing home

by gold gloom

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J. Robot
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J. Robot This sounds like dreams feel. Not always beautiful, often uncertain, but awe-inspiring at times. This record feels like the other side of a crucible. Or at least a progress point in this midst of a painful journey.
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    an atmospheric album of sometimes painful nostalgia. (a text file storyline/explanation of the album with a small thank you note included, as well as a music video for the track 'away from me')
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    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of c my bby, rosemary & honeydew, growing home, i'm just going through some stuff right now, heart eyes, bathtub, and funkin around. , and , .

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1.
(tell me about your childhood)
2.
(some experiences just weren't mine -)
3.
(searching for security in helplessness) on friday nights that girl goes to the park says i wont get better i wont find help she sits in the dugout and smokes in the dark i wont get better i wont find help she's glowing she's angelic she's going to heaven i love her i need her i love her i need her she is a burden to the people who care she wants to reach out she wants to reach out she wants to reach out she wants to reach out she is a burden to the people who care she wants to reach out she wants to reach out she wants to reach out theres nothing there she's glowing she's angelic she's going to heaven i love her i need her i love her i need her
4.
stuffed rubber boys (free) 01:25
(spending hours searching for definitions) ella: i'm seeing you all in like, a movie about little kids, like a kindergartener movie- caragan: like little rascals? ella: yeah. and like, i know which character you would all be, but i don't know who i would be. who would i be? caragan: you would be, um... i really love this movie [all laugh] caragan: i liked it a lot when i was little i don't know why. you would be, um, spanky. ella: who's spanky? caragan: spanky's the kinda like, lead guy of the no girls club - ella: we should skype joey. caragan: - like, i wanna say you'd be darla but you wouldn't be darla, but there's no other girls in it, cause you [dominic] would be alfalfa for sure. and alfalfa loves darla, he sings her; "you are so beautiful to me, can't you see?" ella: who's alfalfa? caragan: he's the guy whose hair just sticks up like this, and it's really like, slicked up, and he's kind of nerdy. and he's in the boys club which is no girls allowed but he secretly has a crush on darla and he sneaks out to see her. ella: darla... caragan: darla's the main girl. but you're not like darla. you're more like... it's more like if alfalfa had a crush on spanky, but it was a no gays club, like. like if you altered the storyline a bit... ella: a no gays club... what is this
5.
(- but obsessive compulsive disorder was) we feel stones in our skin hear whispering winds calling us back to them we cant hold back the touch each thought is too much nerves are all pulled so thin we have been too high have been too high have been too high, before we have been too high have been too high have been too high, before we buy rest in our steps they deal us in moments away from the mess we take pills to calm down these urges surround til everything shrinks to less we have been too high have been too high have been too high, before we have been too high have been too high have been too high, before
6.
(learning about life) the swings are breaking from me cause my soul is just too heavy i know too much i talk too much i cant erase that childish touch was never good at making friends, did i make you? it just depends come and meet me at the playground we'll do drugs and hang around
7.
(budding depression) "im sitting there like, i'm like, this can go one of two ways. like this whole thing. i get a really good grade, i get away with this... or... i don't" "its fucking normal as hell! i know, that i am gonna die in hell"
8.
away from me 03:22
(painful experiences having meaning)
9.
ambien(ce) 02:59
(walking alone thru an empty house)
10.
moonrise 02:22
(i cling to things) i can't sleep tonight wonder if you'll call me ask me to come see you soon you know i won't say no to you i can't sleep tonight wonder if you'll call me over to the window i know i cant say no
11.
be anyone 03:18
(uniqueness is inevitable, relevance is nonexistent, importance is relative; strip away the feelings of restlessness that go along with being perfectly regular. accept the greatness of your former self. teach them the world is perfectly simple and strange)
12.
("drinking water and eating plants are the most spiritual experiences we will ever witness")
13.
end (free) 00:17
(stay little)

about

transitioning from confusion, hurt, denial, rejection, self destruction, to acceptance and eventually growth

credits

released July 25, 2016

ella (crunch) + caragan (slim) - vocals, guitar, recording, whatever else

special thanks to the following lovely people for their willingness to let us record their voices, n for the kind words, support + luv:
bailey dupuis, dominic jersak, joey ezra rich, feven banyard, zack kaufman, stasha gacpar, sierra ray

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gold gloom Abbotsford, British Columbia

2 girls from the fraser valley making sad dreamy tunes in their bedrooms

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